i was fine until he called again... talking to him on wednesday was actually really nice.. thursday night was fine.. and although he was busy.. i wouldn't have been able to make much more conversation with him than i already had. thursday night i was too chickenshit to kiss him anyway... plus that's not what i wanted. i don't want this to BE anything but the amazing friendship that it has been. and then friday was good again.

i felt awful just showing up there like that.. he was surprised to see me and yet polite about why i was there.. i got to see his ipod and help finish things up.. but it was so much less awkward when moush was there. they get along so well! i don't want there to be something weird between moush and me.. it's hard to tell if she does, but i feel like she's got feelings for him like i do and isn't so happy with me gushing about him all the time.

friday night was the best goodbye of them all. :) i got to see his parents.. it wasn't long and dramatic.. it was great. i wanted that to be the end. friday night was super fun and then saturday morning was great. how wonderful is my roommate? it was so nice to spend all day on saturday with her.. breakfast.. furniture shopping... cleaning up. that was the perfect day. WHY did he then call? it was great to hear his voice.. to hear about the sweet goodbye he had with his parents.. how they were emotional and he was emotional. how amazing that one guy has just touched so many people's lives..

but the weird apology/clarification wasn't necessary.. nor did i really get it. he said sorry that he was caught off guard and that i was wonderful and dynamic.. and brave. blah.

i hope i get outta this phase quick.. and have the happy and wonderful year that i'd like to have.. and he gets back.. hopefully we are both still single, and things work out.

yay.


-------------------------

wow do i miss him. how is it possible that we haven't even dated yet.. that even a month ago i didn't expect to see him all the time or talk to him so much.. yet the last two days since he's left, i've had to keep from standing still.

so i sound a lil melodramatic... i like the feeling for the most part. it felt so good to actually see a glimpse of mutual feeling instead of one-sided crush. it's killing me though.. distracting me at work.. making me exhausted all the time. it did make me houseclean though.. which is great.

i miss him. is this how the year will go? i'm guessing in a few weeks my life will be back to its normal self (wasn't it this weekend?). i guess this weekend i was busy enough that i was happy and silly and normal.. but it was all those moments that no one else was around. that i sat on my bed for 2 minutes while doing something and that feeling in the pit of my stomach just took over. blah...

i'm really happy for him. people that amazing really do deserve to do what they love and get opportunities like this one.