frank is def what i want to hear

and i know that...but at the same time i think that while i may be giving, i am never forgiving - and i think that is more of a problem in all aspects/relationships in my life..i think i am equally at fault for the "surface" type conversations because i am a very nit picky person - especially with him.

i just know that i dont want to walk away from this whole experience/relationship without giving it this one last try when things may have finally been figured out - like i told him/ellen/and most importantly myself - i am ok with having differences of opinions on many of the things we have had differeing opinions on in the past - money/ex girfriend etc...those are things and conversations that would never be easy and will take time to figure out. i am not ok with all the other drama.

i dont think i have much to lose if i dont give it another chance except more of my time and more of my effort but i am willing to give that up for the chance that it could work...

the one thing i am most afraid of is i dont want to change the effort i put in and i never want that to morph into being nonchalant about the relationship - if that happens and my heart isnt in it anymore i promise ill move on...its never easy to make a decision like this and i think when i do make it i want to make it once and for all which i know is wishful thinking and will prob never happen...but at least one more chance...

jules the printer shipped today but the computer wont come for another 2 weeks :)