more calm now...i think....

he didnt take it well...he fluctuates from saying things like but i love you so much and did everything and gave you all i have etc etc, to being angry and saying that maybe my silver lined perfect life shouldnt have someone like him in it anyway...i dont think the fun of being single will kick in for some time, although im doing a pretty good job filling it up...

i did tell satyan (saatyan- long a like the first a in my name - does that help? i dont know what the lucifer reference is too... but we cant get our hopes up with him - his last name is shah :) megan, remember the issues with that at tech callers?? he called me when i was at devs, so i called him when i got home and just sorta slipped it in part of why my day was so crappy, he was just kinda like wow really etc etc and before the conversation was done was asking when we could hang out - so my fear of him being weirded out since i broke up with him so soon after our evening monday wasnt as bad as i thought...

and as for dev - he called twice at midnight, the second time for which i woke up but didnt answer, then a text that said "im outside please call me" i called him, went to my window and he was standing there :( he came inside, we sat and talked on the counch for about an hour...it was so sad. it hurts so much...i want to be more of an optimistic person but now i surprisingly have to force myself to remember how things really were bad...i miss just having him hold me and tell me that when he sees me half asleep at midnight is when he thinks im the most beautiful and how he cant be without me...buti was strong and hugged him and cried to him and then i asked him to leave...he basically just said you know where to find me and ill be waiting...

ok i need to stop writing. i cant cry anymore at work.

we have a meeting at 3, then im leaving at 5 to meet julie and go hang out with jackies work people then to satyans show at 7...