morning
is there a god/heaven/afterlife?
but i don't know if i actually want the answer to that question.
i'm in a bad mood. the funk edgar was in on sunday hasn't lifted. i called him 4 times last night. he called me back but said he didn't want to talk so the whole convo lasted about 5 minutes. And i think the only reason he called was because in my last message, i was like please call me back and just tell me everything is alright. i didn't want to be getting all upset that he wasn't calling me and then find out something happened to his family or esther.
ok, all of that was written an hour ago and i forgot to hit publish because i got distracted. its a beautiful sunny day and i just feel sad. i think edgar's funk is a "we're not going anywhere so why am i wasting my time and getting attached" so i can't fix it.
jules - i feel your jackie pain!!! here was my solution - go to the gym together. and don't mention joe! get on bike's or treadmills or do the weights next to one another . . . there is lots of time to talk and its something that you guys have always shared and can be completely no-joe time. i hate the feeling of having two people you care about fighting for your time and attention - it makes me want to scream how its my life and maybe you should ask me who i want to spend it with instead of acting like a big baby when you aren't the focus 100% of the time. i hate that jess does things like insult the random food i make (or the other night, the cheese i picked out) and is just like umm, yeah we're throwing that out? NO! its mine, i like it - why can't you accept that not everything about me is identical to you! and i hate that edgar gets in these moods over things and i just want to be like fine, be a big baby even though it frustrates me just as much and i want to get in moods but i don't because i know its not you i'm mad at but the situation and i don't want to take it out on you. but i don't want to get in a stupid fight like that because i know its the stress. and i was so upset last night that i hadn't talked to edgar yet and jess was home all night and i couldn't talk to her about it because i knew she would just be excited and possibly turn it into an argument about how she couldn't believe he was in her apartment when she got home and how it almost ruined her whole weekend because the very thought of him in the next room upsets her so (i say this because we have had that argument before - at least twice actually . . . but never that she brings it up, only when she has stopped speaking to me and its slamming doors and pouting in her room)
GOD! why do i surround myself with such self centered BABIES!
but i don't know if i actually want the answer to that question.
i'm in a bad mood. the funk edgar was in on sunday hasn't lifted. i called him 4 times last night. he called me back but said he didn't want to talk so the whole convo lasted about 5 minutes. And i think the only reason he called was because in my last message, i was like please call me back and just tell me everything is alright. i didn't want to be getting all upset that he wasn't calling me and then find out something happened to his family or esther.
ok, all of that was written an hour ago and i forgot to hit publish because i got distracted. its a beautiful sunny day and i just feel sad. i think edgar's funk is a "we're not going anywhere so why am i wasting my time and getting attached" so i can't fix it.
jules - i feel your jackie pain!!! here was my solution - go to the gym together. and don't mention joe! get on bike's or treadmills or do the weights next to one another . . . there is lots of time to talk and its something that you guys have always shared and can be completely no-joe time. i hate the feeling of having two people you care about fighting for your time and attention - it makes me want to scream how its my life and maybe you should ask me who i want to spend it with instead of acting like a big baby when you aren't the focus 100% of the time. i hate that jess does things like insult the random food i make (or the other night, the cheese i picked out) and is just like umm, yeah we're throwing that out? NO! its mine, i like it - why can't you accept that not everything about me is identical to you! and i hate that edgar gets in these moods over things and i just want to be like fine, be a big baby even though it frustrates me just as much and i want to get in moods but i don't because i know its not you i'm mad at but the situation and i don't want to take it out on you. but i don't want to get in a stupid fight like that because i know its the stress. and i was so upset last night that i hadn't talked to edgar yet and jess was home all night and i couldn't talk to her about it because i knew she would just be excited and possibly turn it into an argument about how she couldn't believe he was in her apartment when she got home and how it almost ruined her whole weekend because the very thought of him in the next room upsets her so (i say this because we have had that argument before - at least twice actually . . . but never that she brings it up, only when she has stopped speaking to me and its slamming doors and pouting in her room)
GOD! why do i surround myself with such self centered BABIES!
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