there is just more of us to love :)

so - i have def lost weight since college - which is great! and when i went shopping on friday i fit into and bought a size 10L pair of pants from gap. size 10 is what i used to wear in high school! ok, its def tighter than when i was in high school . . . and gap sizes run a little big (i think? i don't shop there that often) but it was still a big high . . .

but - on one hand i'm happier with my body, but now i've become a bit obsessed. i check out girls CONSTANTLY! jess and i go to the gym and mock all the skinny girls around us (she has to have a good body, she obviously has no personality) i think its starting to get in my head! when i have days that i eat a lot at one meal, i think i stress myself out into basically not eating the next meal (i did this on saturday, ate a lot at lunch and never ate dinner) i'm not developing an eating disorder or anything - but it seems like the closer we get to actually having our ideal weight, the more paranoid we are about it . . . at least thats my feeling.

i think edgar also gets to me . . . he would prefer me gaining back the weight i've lost over the last couple of months. some of the girls i check out and think have cute bodies, he gags at and says they could be pretty if they'd just eat a sandwich. its like i have to spend more time telling myself to be concerned with what i'm eating so that i don't completely let go - knowing that i will have someone i love constantly telling me how beautiful i am.